In my almost 28 years…

“In my almost 28 years I’ve discovered that there is not only one type of love and that it is not always that simple. However, when two people love each other, they do it unconditionally – without compromises and without changing one another. Wherever you are right now in your life, I beg you, promise me, you’ll never change yourself for the person you fall for, except to improve yourself, for you to be better, and don’t ever try to change your loved ones. If they want to change, they will do it on their own terms. If not, let them go and be grateful for all the life and love lessons they’ve taught you, even the worst ones.” Evelyn K. Sunshine: Only you can fix me (chapter 1)

I used to be the type of a person…

“I used to be the type of a person that refuses big changes in life.  When my friend and university mate mentioned a student exchange I was strongly against it. The idea of me leaving all behind and moving to a city 3.000 km away from home was terrifying. After a lot of encouragement I stepped out of my comfort zone and said yes. I was 22 years old and I just had to experience life abroad before it would be too late.” – Evelyn K. Sunshine: Only you can fix me (chapter 2)

After his death…

“After his death, the darkness came into my life. It was the start of an awful period for me. I lost my dad, my best friend, my shelter, my everything. I lost him. Daddy’s little princess lost her king. As if all the light in my life had just left me.” – Evelyn K. Sunshine: Only you can fix me (chapter 3)

I forgot about myself…

“I forgot about myself, about who I am and who I want to be. That time was the toughest time of my life. My father’s death made me fall into deep depression. I was pretending to be strong when surrounded by people but when I was alone in my room, I would cry, just cry. Each morning when I woke up, I wished for the night to come fast to go to bed again.” – Evelyn K. Sunshine: Only you can fix me (chapter 3)

Ms Depression came back into my life…

“Ms Depression came back into my life. I let his manipulative words get into my subconscious mind because I haven’t completely healed from my dad’s death yet. I wasn’t stable enough. Maybe I hadn’t even healed and recovered totally from my last depression. I became a living zombie again. Every morning when I woke up I just wanted to go back to bed. I was still living with my mum and I was still a waitress. So, for my family, friends, and customers, I was bright and happy Evelyn, but between four walls I wished I had died that night. That I had frozen to death. That night.” – Evelyn K. Sunshine: Only you can fix me (chapter 4)

In the mirror, I saw a girl who…

“In the mirror, I saw a girl who was afraid, sad, angry, unattractive and ugly. A girl who will never be good enough for anyone. An ugly duckling who will never become a swan. A girl who will never become a woman who shines in all her glory. You can never get back your time, your wasted time. And those three months of depression were wasted. I was trying to figure out who I am and in the end, I found out nothing.” – Evelyn K. Sunshine: Only you can fix me (chapter 4)

It is just the way I am…

“It is just the way I am. I cannot help myself. I’m a person who leaves when the time seems right. When I’ve done everything I could possibly have done. When I’ve exhausted all the possibilities. I know it might hurt people around me, but it’s for the best.” – Evelyn K. Sunshine: Only you can fix me (chapter 5)

Andy was a man who was…

“Andy was a man who was just passing by and taught me one important thing. I finally understood I had to love myself first so no one would ever dare to love me half-heartedly – not again. Everyone deserves to be loved fully and overwhelmingly. And Zach deserved my whole heart which he never really got from me – only half of it.” – Evelyn K. Sunshine: Only you can fix me (chapter 5)

We raised our glasses and…

“We raised our glasses and we toasted to our friendship with our spritzers. And that was the moment when our true friendship started. We were on the same page. Neither of us had feelings for each other. Despite the fact, that we had sex, which wasn’t that bad, but was morally wrong, it didn’t affect our relationship. I had never, had sex with any of my male friends. Never. But with Jack beside me, I could totally put that night behind us and move forward. Jack was special to me. He was older and his presence in my life made me more feminine, adult, mature… It helped me become a woman. I was lucky to have him that summer of 2018. I still am.” – Evelyn K. Sunshine: Only you can fix me (chapter 6)

There was something mysterious about…

“There was something mysterious about him. Every time we talked, he woke up something inside of me. Something new, which was buried deep in me for too long. He started wakening up the wild and passionate Evelyn. The one that never got the chance to come up to the surface.” – Evelyn K. Sunshine: Only you can fix me (chapter 7)

He was never mine, but losing him…

“He was never mine, but losing him broke my heart. I was crushed. I used to say that the best cure for moving on is alcohol and sex. Wrong! It is time – a lot of passed time. I realize that now but I didn’t before. So after I stopped seeing him I sort of became an alcoholic and a nymphomaniac. I started meeting new men. The only thing I wished to get from him but didn’t get it and now I got it. Dating.” – Evelyn K. Sunshine: Only you can fix me (chapter 7)

I just had to be patient again…

“I just had to be patient again. Being patient and understanding had always been two of my best characteristics. I needed time, he needed time. Because if it’s meant to be, it will be. So, I made two steps back, calmed myself down from all those feelings for him and decided to leave him alone. He’ll come when he’s ready. He’ll come around when he’s free. It was hard to keep my hands off our chat box, but I did. And all the waiting and all the patience paid off.” – Evelyn K. Sunshine: Only you can fix me (chapter 7)

It took me 27 years to…

“It took me 27 years to figure out who I am. I’ve always wanted to be the perfect daughter, the perfect sister, the perfect girlfriend, the perfect friend. And then I stopped being perfect for everyone else. Because in the end, I am the one who needs to be perfect for myself. I am the one who is going to live with myself for the rest of my life. I am the one who needs to love myself and stop waiting for others’ love and approval. And that’s called self-love.” – Evelyn K. Sunshine: Only you can fix me (chapter 8)

Miracles do happen to you if you…

“Miracles do happen to you if you love yourself and love the life you live. And I deserve to be loved. I deserve to be treated right. I deserve to be happy and to accomplish all the great things in life. I deserve all of it because I am enough. Because I’m a ruler of my own world. Because I’m a queen.” – Evelyn K. Sunshine: Only you can fix me (chapter 8)